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Funny Signs & Headlines
(from Karen Morgan)
Over the years I've collected many "one-liner" jokes like the funny signs and newspaper headlines that appear on this page.
When Karen sent me a collection that she had come across, I decided to put them all in one place. As I discover more of them, I'll just add them to this page.
I think I'll break the page up into the 2 categories for now. (Eventually, the page may become 2 pages, depending on how many other signs and newspaper headlines I come across.)
Anyway, here are the "yuks" to start this Funny Signs page.
Funny Signs
(Did I Read That Sign Right?)
In an office building:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.
In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT.
In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS...
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN.
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK, STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD.
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS...
Spotted in a safari park: (I sure hope so.)
ELEPHANTS, PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR.
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR.
Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK.)
Funny Headlines
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
(They corrected this the next day!)
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Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Really? Ya' think?
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Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
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Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
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Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
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Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works better than a fair trial!
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War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
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If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya' think?
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Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
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London Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
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Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
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Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
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New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?
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Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
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Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
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Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
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And the winner is...
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?
Fun Jokes
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Please note that the "What's New?" section below is updated whenever something I think is funny comes along, therefore some of these "New" blogs further down the page may already have been replaced by the time you click on them!
What's New?
-
Most Recent Joke
Mar 04, 24 12:00 AM
Check out the latest smile here! -
Funny Quotes
Dec 15, 23 07:20 PM
This page consists of funny quotes that somebody else said while I wish it had been me! -
Don't Worry - Be Happy
Mar 03, 23 12:00 AM
Need a "pick-me-up"? Here's a singalong song that you can easily participate in. Join me in the video as the words are included. It'll be the second song on the page -
Tom Dooley
Jul 09, 22 12:00 AM
Got bored and decided to redo this song with a different presentation. Have a look if you're curious. (You can sing along with it as well!) -
Going Way Back In Rock And Roll - Dede Dinah
Oct 24, 21 12:00 AM
Here's an oldie for you that was done originally by Frankie Avalon (before he met Anette)! Sing along if you want.
Before You Go...
Check out the page above. You might have missed something!